Where are you?
In a non slutty way
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
