I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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