i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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