i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
