I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
