maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
