No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
