so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
