tell your sister to shave her snatch
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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