Even the bartender felt bad for me
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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