My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
