he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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