that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
