The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize