I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
