He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
