Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
