im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
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