I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It was like giving head to a cactus.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
