He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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