I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
