When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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