Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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