No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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