So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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