if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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