I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
