they said they heard you say put it in my butt
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
