why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
