yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Can you repeat that, but with context?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
