I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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