I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
