I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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