I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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