In the future we'll all be gay
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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