my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
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It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
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She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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