i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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