and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize