Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
