I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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