Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
