I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
