We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
