Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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