I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
