My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
