proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Dignity is for republicans.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
