my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
