hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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