You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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