Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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