i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
