The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
