omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
