Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
