i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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