I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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