you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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