I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
