I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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