***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
