omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
The Olympian is in my bed
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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