i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
