I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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