He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
